My goal.

So this year would of been the first year that natty would of walked in the march of dimes for her big brother, but jonathan got assaulted at work the night before and didn't get home till about 4:30am because he had to go to the E.R to get his hand checked out. The walks is one of the things that i want to make part of our family tradition to celebrate joshy's life. This along with bringing special items to the NICU every year, i know what it's like to be in the NICU for months and to try to make your son's crib his little space seem as "his" as possible to make it feel like home. So i've been trying to mentally prepare myself because in the next couple of weeks natty will be going to meet joshy's nurses and i plan on bringing some gifts along for them to hand out to the family in celebration of the safe arrival of joshy little sister and we plan to finally take natty to the special garden where we held joshy after he passed away, this will be a full circle moment. I know no matter how prepared i am to make this visit i WILL break down, how can i not, but i can't wait for the people that mean and meant so much to joshy to meet natalia. They're my nicu family and i plan for natty to make visits every couple of months so we can bring blankets, toys,etc to the families in the nicu.

well i will try to start blogging everyday again, if it's just to update with pictures, on reading back i realized and remember how much writing actually helped me, plus it's a great way to document things, an online diary. Besides no matter how much i think i've actually become more vocal in the last couple of months i know there will never be a better way to express myself then with writing i have always been this way. I will try to post everyday or at least every other day even if it's just a couple of sentences or a picture, this is my goal. With natty in a schedule at least a predictable schedule now, i know i can find time to do this everyday.