Sunday, December 27, 2009

=(

Jonathan was feeling sick today, i sure hope he doesnt have the flu im feeling fine but im still walking around every other couple of minutes with the anti bacterial....one day with out seeing joshy feels like forever! I want him home! it seems like he's never going to get here, i know he needs to get better but when i start thinking about the hourse i dont spend with him, the little smiles and laughs and when he cries that his mommy isnt there to try to make him feel better,makes me feel like the worst mother in the world.If i could move in with him to the hospital i would, i would do anything to be with him all the time....sigh. cant wait till tomorrow when i walk into that room and walk over to his isolette and see my little angel sleeping. =) That little guy has gave my life a whole new meaning.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

So today started off rocky, i held him and he started getting cranky, so i checked his diaper and sure enough it was wet, changed him he fell asleep for a while then woke up and got really upset couldnt figure out what was wrong but finally i sat him up and started patting his back, poor little man had gas, after that he was fine. He was awake for about an hour, and that's when daddy took this video hope you guys enjoy. the latest for today is he's up to 8ml an hour on his feeds and went down a cm on his CPAP yay plus they brought his IV down to 5, everything is going good just wish his lungs would get better so we can get him on his canula and get that mask off but i know he needs it so .....other then that he had a really good day today, we put on one of his outfits his primary nurse trish got him, he looked so cute. he's started to make more noises now and stare at you when you talk to him.His hair is starting to grow back of where they shaved it on the sides,he has a little mohawk going on. we talked to the dr,and he says the surgery wont happen untill mid january they want him to be a little bigger so he can recover sooner, which is good i guess. I was thinking to myself today, how normal it is for me and jonathan to be around all these machines and see sick babies, its sad but its become our "normal". changing joshy's diaper with all his IV's and lines is normal to us...hmmm i wonder what joshy will think when he gets older and see how small he was, he's my miracle boy. Dec 26 - 5 pounds .4oz


Friday, December 25, 2009

The Process Of Growing...My Chunky Monkey

The roller coaster that is the Nicu








Sooo here's why josh is still not home,
the nicu stay was going great i mean my little man was growing breathing on his own, and exceeding all the dr's all the nurses expectations! He was miracle from the start but doing way better then all the dr's expected! He had graduated from bieng on cpap (a small mask with pressure with oxygen) to nasal canula (little prongs with oxygen) to no oxygen at all, he was starting to breastfeed on no IV's basicly what they like to call a feeder and grower,the dr's were even talking about letting him go home under 5 pounds wow! everything was going great! So Nov 11th joshy started acting wierd not like himself he's usually cranky when he has a wet diaper but this guys wouldnt stop crying me and his nurse amber where trying everything from trying to burp him to changing him turning off the lights everything possible but nothing was working finally he settled down and although i really wanted to stay because something didnt seem right i went home, by the time jonathan got there at his usual time 12:30 joshua had been moved to his own room with his own nurse and was on cpap again with IV line and they had stopped feedings, at this point things were not looking good but not terrible, so jonathan comes home at around 1 and tells me he was looking a little bit sick but that they were keeping an eye on him so to try to get some sleep, i go to sleep to get a call from the resident dr that josh just got some xrays and that it looks like he has some gas in his tummy and that he's looing a little bit sicker, at 4 i get another call from the dr this time telling me that josh is not looking good at all and they are going to have to transport him to childrens hospital and they need my consent, i tell them yes get up and wake up jonathan were on robot mode just getting ready to rush to the hospital to get there in time to see josh get transported right when we get there theyre putting him in the ambulance and we follow right behind get there to the hospital and they tell us to wait in the waiting room seemed like forever the nurse that had helped transport him come out and ask his medical information and tells us josh is very sick he is on morphine because he is in extreme pain and that he's not looking good at all they cant figure out whats wrong and they will probably have to go in for surgery because he belly is getting really big, they wont let us see him for a long time and finally the let us go back there is my beautful bundle of joy, laying in open crib with about 8 dr's sourrounding him and him just laying there he doesnt even look like he's breathing, i wanted to pass out, anything to make this go away, the next couple of hours were waiting and waiting and waiting, we have been in the hospital all day with no answers, finally at around 10 we go home to get a call at around 12 with the surgeon on the phone saying they will have to go in because they cant figure out what is wrong him so once i again i give them consent and tell them whatever they have to do to save him . they call me a couple of hours later that josh is doing good, he had NEC necrotizing entrocolites which means....a little bit of his intestine had died and had to be cut,the surgeon how lucky we were that it was caught early because 20% or more of babies die from this condition on top of that he had a gangrine appendix! this is so rare that his dr that he has had since birth has only hear 2 cases including joshy and she has been practicing medicine for over 25 years! so from then it has been a slow process for josh, ups and downs, couple of steps fowards and a bunch of leaps back, but my chunky monkey is hanging in there, he now wights 5pounds 4 oz and is cuter then ever, he has an iliostomy which means his intestine is out of his belly with a bag over it were his poopy goes into yes it was very scary at first but now im so used to it i even help change the bag, it has become our normal, his lungs have suffered a bit from bieng so sick that he's on oxygen and his little right lung keep collapsing, but i know he'll be okay he's a stong boy my pride and joy. Soo the news for now is he's going into surgery to get reconnected on mid janurary sooner if surgeon will allow ut but he wants him to be more stable before going in there. So we have no discharge date maybe feb but were not sure. but he's doing good getting bigger and starting to smile and stare at objects now, all the nurses love him and all the dr's know him because he keeps them on thier toes, little joshy has been a drama king since the belly and continues to do so, all the nurses love him, im going to have to keep the women away from him when he gets big! hehe he's now full term, his due date was on dec 22. my little miracle that the dr's didnt think was going to be born is now proving all the dr's wrong.

Oct 7 2009 Happy Birthday






So for those of you who don't know what has been going on i will give you a an update starting from the beggining, we went to our dr's appt in alta bates, it was at 10:30am first i had my ant stress test which means the tie this thing around your belly to see how many times the baby moves and if his heart beat is okay, well everything went perfect joshy was moving around and his heartbeat was right on next was the ultrasound and doppler,so we went downstairs for the ultrasound, everything was going good or so it seems but i felt like something was up, the guy asked me how much josh was measuring last time i went and how much was he weighting i let him know and he took a couple of more minutes and let us know he was done just needed to run some stuff by the dr and to go upstairs for next weeks appt,so off we go and when we get upstairs there is the nurse looking at us saying "guess where were going ?" im like "i dont know where" she said "to labor and delievery" my face had no reaction and i looked at jonathan with both of kind of lost so we start followiing her and my mind is blank at this point, then i finally get it all together and ask her what is going on she responds im not quite sure but the asked me to bring you here the dr will come in a few minutes, the other nurses come in and bring me a gown and tell me to put my clothes in a bag,im like whoa whoa wait what do i have to take my clothes of for she says well i think your going to be admitted im like why? she said im not quite sure but the dr will be in in a few, so i proceed to put the gown on and jonathan and i are both pale and thinking something is very wrong. So they start asking me when was the last time i ate, and all these other questions, so in my head even though jonathan is still lost i have an idea what was going on joshua was coming out soon, so the dr comes in and looks me in the eyes and says so your starting to have reverse blood flow again and we have to get the baby out to give him a chance to survive we cant take any more chances.In that moment i was like okay yesenia get it together and conentrate that everything is going to be okay,so i tell the dr allright anything to get my baby out safe, the next hour is a blue everything seemed to move quickly it took them four try's to get my IV line in because my blood pressure was high because of stress so the line wasnt able to go through they kept telling me just breath and calm down, so before i knew it there i was walking to the operation room, i have never been in a hospital in my life but there i was getting the whole entire hospital treatment all in one day so the next half hour went by fast they gave me a epideral which was the wierdest thing not to be able to feel your legs, jonathan came in shortly after and i was the one going through surgery but there i was comforting him, hehe women are much more stronger then men, so in my head there i am praying and just re assuring myself josh is going to be okay he's going to be okay, so finally josh comes out and i hear nothing so im asking jonathan is he okay what are they doing can you see him, the dr's finally call jonathan over to see him, i hear everyone saying congratulations and jonathan runs over to me crying and says the words i will never forget "he's okay babe he's okay all fingers and toes, he's just small but he's okay" he kisses my forehead and says im going to go see him again, so they bring joshy to me very fast he was in a little tiny plastic bag with his face uncovered of course he was the most beautiful thing i have ever seen, love at first sight! So i wasnt able to see joshy till the next day, i really wanted to but the nurses told me to get rest, but when i walked over to the next day to the NICU and saw my little man for the first time, i was in amazement, here was this little person who i had done everything for to give a chance he was very small but okay, a human bieng that was half of me,i created him he was inside of me for 6 months moving around kicking,and now here he was, the most important person in my life.Joshua Alexander Escobar Castillo 1 pound8oz

Thursday, September 24, 2009

we saw a penis

So today was the appt with Dr mckelvy for my weekly ultrasound and dopler, josh is doing fine.There has been no growth since last time but she's wasnt to worried because sine it's weekly ultrasounds they dont expect to see a any,and i cant be to let down because last time he did make it to 1lb5oz so we'll check back next week and see how he is. Good news is he's been moving alot in there which lets me know he's doing good i put music for him everynight around 8 or 9 and i think he has a patern now cause he starts moving around that time kind of like to remind me "hey where's my music" Other then that today was a good day just lounging around and drinking tons of water and watching t.v oh yeah i forgot we got some new ultrasound pictures, you would think i would have a whole bunch by now since i go weekly BUT trust me when your there the last thing you think about is getting pictures, anywho jonathan looked like a proud dad when the dr told us look there is his penis and his testicles,i havent seen a smile on him that big at one of the ultrasounds since the first time he heard his heartbeat

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Im a kangaroo

It's day 6 or 5 maybe of strict bed rest, so far today has been okay, you would think i would be enjoying having everyone tend to my needs but it makes me feel very useless and like a lazy bum,although jonathan says i have the most important job it sure doesnt feel like it. Josh has been active today since the morning, he's actually the one who woke me up today, i wish i had x-ray vision to see what it is he finds so amusing in there, cause he was moving around what seemed like non stop for a good hour and then some,jonathan got to feel him for a while to but even though he wont admit it i think it freaks him a little out when he feels josh kick and elbow me. So the morning was good did my baby kick journal the usual morning routine, and the afternoon has gone by pretty good as well, except for jonathan having a little meltdown, i know he's stressed out but it's so hard for him to admit it sometimes,he feels he needs to be the 'Man" and take care of his women and baby lol. I guess it goes both ways because sometimes i feel like im the one holding it all emotionally together for both of us, you know i really think any man would never be able to go through what women go through especially while bieng pregnant. Let's set aside the obviouse issues that come with bieng pregnant and set aside the scary stuff were going through, its alot of hard work. I wish someone would come up with a book about bieng pregnant but just write what really is going through there head and what theyre feeling even if it sounds messed up or not but its the truth. For example, The night i was in the hospital and im just bieng honest now, i told jonathan come on lets just walk out i just want to go home, why because at that moment i was not thinking about the baby i was thinking about how i could get myself comfortable no matter what, yeah it sounds crazy cause im sopposed to be worrying about josh and not me but at that moment all i cared about was me......uhh its hard, and now im starting to like what can only resemble something similar to a umpalumpa-and a a half hippo/duck,plus the heart burn from not bieng able to move around and having to lay only on my left or right side is killing me. my feet look like little muffins and my hands too, i cant sleep through the night because i have to go pee from all the water im drinking,my left eye twitches from all the stress............BUT josh is okay and that's what matter. although it might not sound like it, it does, and thats what pregnant women should write about that you have your awful days of feeling like what the heck was i thinking and then you have your days of thinking i cant wait till i get to hold my little guy, it's a up and down, and thats that the baby is not even here yet.....whoa so all i have to say to josh is....you better never get into no gangs or commit any crimes or do any horrible stuff like that cause it took me and your father and your family alot of hard work to get you here!!!! like bill cosby said to theo " i brought you into this world and i'll take you out" =) love you josh hehe

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Journey

Well since i have decided to document this whole journey i figured i would start from the beggining. From when i found out i was pregnant till now.....lets see where to start,

Found out i was pregnant at the end of march i was late for my period,which i usually am because my cycle is very wierd, but anyhow something seemed off this time so i sent jonathan of to rite aid to pick up some test. I went in and took the first one, waited and sure enough there it was a positive, but i know how sometimes they can be wrong so off i went again to take the second, one again sure enough positive! yikes, first thing i did was call jonathan he was on his way to work and i let him know i was pregnant he reacted very calm and even though i knew he was freaking out he didnt seem like it over the phone, on the other hand i was a mess, i was crying and thinking Hmmmm maybe the test is wrong somehow, so with jonathan trying to calm me down we deciced the most important thing was to make sure the test was correct and make a Dr appt, i called my dr let her know and first thing she said was to stop taking my xanax, so that was that. A few days (still hadnt had my first appt with the OB) i had some very very light bleeding we went to dr very worried they did our very first sonogram let me know there was for sure a little nugget in there and that the bleeding had happend due to implantation of the egg into the uterus. Soo the rest of the next couple of months were routine Ob exams, checking of the babys heart, getting blood work done the usual stuff that goes with bieng pregnant. As far as stuff that was going on with me other then bieng tired and sleep ALL The time which seemed like the usual me anyways, i didnt throw up other then maybe three times and as far as mood swings i dont really think i had any although jonathan would be the person to ask, i barely gained any weight 5 pounds in 4 month and my bumb wasnt showing at all, which was making me feel bad i would think it would make me feel great that i was 4 month pregnant and other than the fact my breast grew ALOT nobody thought i looked pregnant at all but i guess people think i was sopposed to be all plump like a umpalumpa which i was far from. anwho everthing was going along perfect, untill we had our routine 15 week ultrasound, baby was measuring a bit small two weeks smaller then he should of been so they wanted us to see a genetic counseler, that was the worst day because i went so excited to that appt i knew we would find out gender the baby was going to be and as soon as the dr said that he wanted us to see a genetic counseler, i tried to be happy at news that he had announced it was going to be a girl but it didnt seem to matter because they thought something was wrong with the baby. Jonathan didnt really understand what was going on and i soon as we walked out of the office i started crying he didnt really get it and i explained that when they send people to genetic councelers it's because they suspect the baby might have down syndrome or something else like that, all those books i had been reading came in handy to how much i knew, which was good at this poing but bad as well because that made my mind go to places that you wouldnt even think of. So we went back three weeks later for a far more extended ultrasound and for the appt with the counceler she explained that they showed some abnormalities in my blood work, basicly because of my age the numbers they got back were very high and showed something was wrong, they told me there was a chance the baby had down syndrome or something was wrong with the baby's spine which meant that even if the baby was born he wouldnt survive past a couple of days if months, they told us the only way the could make sure nothing was wrong geneticly was to get an amnio done, which means they stick a needle into your belly into the uteras and into the amnio sac to get some fluid and have that tested for all the stuff they thought was wrong and a list of other stuff as well, sooo we had to wait three days which i think were the hardest three days of our lifes, praying and hoping and wishing and then coming up with a choice between me and jonathan that if something was wrong with the baby if were going to continue with the pregnancy. we didnt talk about that till the day the test were sopposed to come in, and we both decided that we would continue with the pregnancy we were still talking about it when the phone rang and it was our conceler with the news that the baby had come back negative for all the stuff that was wrong! me and jonathan were so happy, our little nugget was healthy, so another three weeks went on and we had our next ultra sound by this point i dreaded going to every appt that had to do with the baby, because everytime i would get excited we had another appt and they always seemed to find something wrong, so this appt was no different, the doctor let us know that the baby had fallen another week behind ( a total of three weeks now) was measuring small and something might be wrong with either the placenta or the umbelical cord, more bad news, it seemed to never end, so the dr let us know that with most if not all cases like ths the baby keeps falling off more weeks untill they stop growing and eventually die, they let us know what our options continue with the pregnancy and hope that a miracle would happen or terminate it, me and jonathan let her know that we in no way wanted to terminate it and would do anything possible to give the baby the chance it deserved, so the plan was to be monitored weekly and hope for a miracle, we did this for about two weeks before we got some even more bad news, not only was the baby not getting enough food or oxygen because of the placenta but the umbelical cord which was only giving him some food or oxygen had started reversing which means it was starting to take away from the baby, which was the worst possible scenario because it made it all that more of a miracle that the baby would be okay. Me, Jonathan and all our family didnt give up, even though it seemed impossible we kept praying and turned to other sources as well, home remedies, went to a mid wife to get my belly rubbed turns out the baby had been concieved with my spine open and he had started growing very low and to the right because of that wasnt growing the proper way, although most people would think this is nonsence to me it made complete sense, i was having really bad back pain in my lower back which made it hard for me to even walk and after that first massage it dissapeared! So we took it day by day doing everything and anything we could,and everyone pitched in, i really believe this is what has helped so much all the positive energy all the prayers all the love, from everyone especially my family, i started drinking daily cups of beet juice (it help by creating more blood flow on top of other stuff ) carrot juice taking my prenatal's twice a day instead of once, and trusting that god has a plan and it's up to him. We went back for our weekly appt two weeks ago and gound out that the reverse blood flow in the umbelical cord had began to go back to normal it was still there but hadnt got worse which was great news and the baby although very small had grown, finally some good news after weeks of terrible ones. so last week we went again and another mircale the reverse umbelical cord had completely stopped! no sign of it, it had just dissapeared! oh and another thing i had forgot to mention was that my amnio fluid this whole time had been very low started off at a 4 (a normal number is 11 or 12) then week by week had started going up after i started drinking my beet and carrot juice, it went up to 6 and this week was at 11 !!!!! the doctors face was very happy and in shock, but wait thats not all my little nugget doubled in size he weighed in at 1.5 pounds from bieng just a week ago not even close to a pound! I believe the doctors exact words were "i dont know what or who .....but this baby is doing great" which we took as her saying " i dont know whar or who you guys are praying to but its working" so today we reached our 27 week and the dr really didnt believe he would make it this far, and although he still small he's getting bigger by the week and every day that passes he's beating the odds so thats the story our life the last six month, it hasnt been easy but i feel it has brought my whole family WAY more close, me and my sister havent had that great of a relationship through our life but she has been threre for me and we are now closer then ever, very corny i know but true, my mom has sopported me just like she always does but what she has done for me and jonathan and josh the last couple of month we will never be able to repay her, plus all the support from jonathan's family as well, they have had prayer groups which doesnt seem like alot to them but to me and jonathan it means a WHOLE lot. Sooo were taking it a day at a time, and hoping josh finally gets here healthy and good, we know he's going to hang in there untill he's ready to come out and drive his family crazy once he does!

Josh is famous

So today we had two appoinments, first with dr.blair (my stoner dr) he let me know some good news, that in a week we will be able to transfer to Alta Bates Hospital in berkley, turns out they are the only other hospital in the area that has a level 3 NICU which is what josh will need, and as long as he will be getting the same great care, and closer to all his family we are very very happy. Well then we were off to sacramento for our second appt a "anenatal test" which will be having twice a week, basicly they strap you up and monitor the baby's heartbeat and how many times he kicks and then finish it up with a ultra sound to measure the amnio fluid (baby pee). So turns out Josh is famous , alot of the people that work in the hospital have heard of the situation thats going on with him and how nice me and jonathan are so they were looking foward to meeting us because of our "special case", im telling you this kid's going to be a star or discover something of course every mom hopes that about their little nugget but this kid loves attention, and he insist of having the best care of everything because it turns out that alta bates hospital NICU is super new and has alot of the best Dr's. Well the test went well, josh was active and had a good heart beat, our next appt is on thurs, we have two that day one for the antenatal testing and the other one with our neonatologist (dr.Mckelvy). Well the days are passing fast which is great because i know every single day this nugget stays in his oven is great !! Oh and today we reached our 27week ! very big news because they thought he wasnt going to make it this far, he proven all of them wrong! He's stubborn just like his mom!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Day three of strict bed rest

Sooo.... It's 11:13 and today is my first entry to this blog, Woke Up today around 10:00 took my vitamins and drank my choco milk, did the fetal movement journal, (took josh about 15 minutes for 10 movements) which to me is very good. Then Called all the doctors to set up the appt for this week, and whoa we have a busy week coming up, so far we have 2 appts for tomorrow one starting at 8:40 with Dr.blair in fairfield (who i like to call my stoner Dr, i think he might of smoked a little to much ganja because he is a very good dr but a little too CHILL and HAPPY going) Then at 11:30 i have my Fetal non stress test in sacramento, and that is my tuesday. Then on thursday i have my weekly ultra sound with Dr McKelvy.....i know it's going to be alot of traveling and alot of appt but nothing beats being home then bieng at the hospital, now im not crazy and realize i will eventually have to be admitted to the hospital to deliever, BUT lets try to keep little J in the oven as long as possible and from it feels like he's in no hurry to get out yet (lets hope) . Well i will Update the rest of the journal entries going backward from finding out i was pregnant to all the other stuff.