Thursday, April 29, 2010

Sunday, April 25, 2010

a little more detailed

here is the info again i know some people might be getting confused about service

tuesday will be open casket from 7pm-9pm wear black white is okay

885 El Camino Real
S San Francisco, CA 94080-4409
(650) 583-2510
ask for joshua escobar castillo

wed-will be closed casket 7-9pm same wear black white is okay
thursay - we will meet at 10:00 and be able to view josh till 10:30 at which time everyone will be getting ready to start the procession to cypress lawn. on this day we ask for everone to wear light color clothes white preferably joshua was a happy soul and i would like to celebrate his life.

adress : 1201 El Camino Real
Colma, CA 94014-3238
(650) 755-4477

Saturday, April 24, 2010

my angels service

here are the details for joshua's service. there will be an open cascet viewing from 7-9 on tuesday, wednesday will be from 7-9 as well wether it will be open cascet or not we have not decided considering he had liver and kidney failure his body has begun not looking in the best shape very fast. the funeral procession will be be on thursday we will be meeting at 11 then proceeding to cypress lawn in south san francisco/colma. the viewing is at garden chapel in south san francisco at all those who live nearby are welcome to come and i would appreciate it. once again THANK YOU i i love all you. any question please feel free to ask.

one more thing i would appreciate it if everyone wore white, khaki, or light colors joshua was a happy soul and i dont feel black would be appropriate for him. feel free to write your input.

joshua alexander castillo escobar oct 7 2009- april 22 2010

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

in my heart.

the dr's have descided if he goes into heart failue, they will not bring him back. i feel in my heart everyhing is going to be okay but the dr's have allready made the choice to not do anymore gases or give him anymre meds. my baby is going and i dont know what to do

pull support or ask for a miracle....

this is what its lead to six month of prayig and hoping and last night at 3 they called us to the hospital because they didnt think he would make it through the night. he has but all were holding on to is faith and a miracle. the dr's have sat me down to discuss taking him off support. im lost. im angry, im upset, and i dont want to give up but i dont want my baby to suffer, they assure me he's not in pain, but his organs are starting to fail. i dont know what to do, the lord has blessed me with the most amazing baby and now he seems to want to take him away im so angry. we have a meeting at 3 to discuss our "options". i spoke to hime last night and asked him if he was tired and wanted to let me let him rest to let me know, but if he wanted for us to keep fighting to let me know as well, and i swear he held my finger so tight. in my heart i have faith my mother instincts tell me he will pull through but dr's and modern medicine tell me the rate of him pulling through is minimul. BUT I'VE HEARD THIS ! they told me he wasnt going to be born, they told me, he wasnt going to make it, and time and time he pulls through. am i dillusional, am i avoiding the signs, my mother insinct tells me no, but am i right? words cannot describe how i feel. this is the only place i can vent, and i feel it in my heart he will be okay i can imagain him running around the house drawing on the wall, all the things moms wish. am i crazy.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

chunky monkey

here are some pictures, a day before he got really sick they are the newest one's because we havent taken any since he was so sick and not looking his best. the ones at the top the first one is him at one month old, and then at 5 months. the clothes he's wearing on the first picture are preemie size the smallest preemies and they were HUGE on him.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Bad would think i'd be used to it.

So, joshua is doing good. He is up on feeds every 12 hours and currently at 8cc an hour. He's still on vent but regular not oscilator. his liver function test are coming back normal and although he's belly is still very destinded they assure me it's because of his liver and the feeds should help with his belly. So i shouldn't be complaining right ? uhhh well today is just one of those days where you realize as a preemie mom or as any mom with a sick baby, that your missing out on very important parts of his life. He's now six month old and has officially been in the hospital for the first half of his life. everytime i think im coming to grips with it and just letting it not bug me i dont think you ever let go. now this brings me to my bad news, i just found out my dad has cancer, my dream has always been to have him meet joshua and have a family picture and now like so many other things this will probably be taking away from me as well. My dad lives in el salvador so going to see him is nearly impossible with joshy so unstable, i feel horrible. i cant even begin to describe how im feeling. in one part i should be happy because my baby is doing better and in another my father is sick. I try to keep it together day after day, and most days i do fine, but today i just think im starting to fall apart.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

purple heart

so im trying to get our NICU to start handing this out and ordering but for now im pretty sure most nicu moms are familiar with the purple heart.

The story of the Preemie Purple Heart:

One day a child was born, too early, too small but loved as much as any child could be. As the parents of this child entered this journey they found themselves feeling alone. They had the joys of being new parents but the fear of losing their child, the thrill of giving birth, the grief of a lost dream. This was supposed to be a joyous time, not a time filled with grief, anger and pain. Little did these parents know they were not alone.

The Preemie Purple Heart is born of an idea borrowed from the US army, a medal given for being wounded in battle. What bigger battle is there than the battle for life and the wounds of premature birth live on with the infant and family forever. The color was once reserved for royalty, making it special and it is gender neutral. The heart is not a solid color and the strips in each heart are a little different, just as every child and every journey is a little different, but the basic design is the same just like the basic experience is the same. The heart is made of glass it is strong but not so strong it could withstand a crushing blow. The premature child is strong but not invincible. It is a heart because the heart is our center, it's every beat renews life and hope, it symbolizes love. At the bottom of the Preemie Purple Heart is a teardrop, it is symbolic of the tears shed during the journey of a premature family, good and bad, joy and sorrow.

The Preemie Purple Heart is an outward sign of unity among a special group of people. A group that knows no country, language, economic, ethnic or religious bounds. A group with one common goal: hope for the future of premature children. This group includes not only parents and child but also siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nurses, doctors, clergy and friends. This group shares a bond beyond words, a bond only the heart knows. The Heart can be with you when you feel alone, remind you there are hundreds of others who keep you in their hearts. It can give you a chance to share your story.

Sunday, April 4, 2010


so joshy is doing better from an overall stand point, he is off the NO and is receiving his daily dose of viagra, his lungs are another story, he seems to be at a standstill, the dr's have told me that the x-rays look all the same but that it's also due to his chronic lung disease. he's still on his antibiotics and on oscilator. when will he come off ? only god knows, i am very happy that my little superman has proved the dr's wrong by making it past his "24-48 hour watch" but i wish things would move along. his feeding are...... well they have put in a NJ tube which was working great he was up to 6cc continues an hour, but because of the oral viagra it keep getting clogged and they have to keep taking it out and putting it back in, which wouldnt be a problem except everytime they have to put it back in they start back at 1cc which is less than a teaspoon. he is very yellow due to him not bieng fed which has led to his liver bieng enlarged which has then led to his tummy bieng VERY destinted. i mean its huge, which leads us back to his lungs they dont have alot of space and on and on and for my pitty party, i want my baby home i want him better. i have missed out on half his life already because half of it he has remained sedated and on vent which most time means he cant be held. i am not complaining well yes i am, no one wishes to have there baby go through this and although jonathan is my rock, he will never understand how guilty i feel for not bieng able to keep him in my belly long enough. i hate it when people say "if joshua wouldnt of been born early he would of been a beautiful baby big and strong" which makes me feel like crap. okay so i am done venting it is easter sunday and my little bunny joshy is alive and although not in the greatest condition he is fighting so i would like to make a deal with god.
Dear god,
thank you for blessing me with joshua and trusting me to take care of one of your angels, but your trying to take him to soon, i promise to love him, care for him and make him the happiest baby on earth, just please do not take him before his time and please heal him.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Latest update

Joshua will be having his echo ultrasound today to see if the NO is working, which is what would help for his pulmonary hypertension. The dr has said that if its not working then there is only one other thing that can help which would be a form of viagra yes viagra, joshua has been stable through the night, and i am happy to report that although he is not sky rocketing towards the direction we would like he is making little baby steps towards better, we will take that over worse any day. his blood gases seem to be improving by tiny bits but this is good. his lungs although still needing alot of support from the vent are becoming less cloudy, and it seems the antibiotics seem to be helping because the bugs he has are some very mean ones that are smart and know how to fight antibiotics fortunatly he is on the stronges meds and they seem to be doing its work, we are still on watch because things could go either way in the next couple of days. on behalf of my little superman jonathan and i, i would like to thank EVERYONE family,friends, friends over at my blog at babycenter, the staff at childrens hospital, the dr's, THE NURSES, all of you have givin us strength to remain postive even though the odds are against us. joshua has proven the dr's wrong many times and we just pray hope and KNOW this will be another ball he slams into homerun. please remain praying theyre helping and joshua feels the love, i know this, i feel it.

Luke 7


1When Jesus had finished saying all this in the hearing of the people, he entered Capernaum. 2There a centurion's servant, whom his master valued highly, was sick and about to die. 3The centurion heard of Jesus and sent some elders of the Jews to him, asking him to come and heal his servant.4When they came to Jesus, they pleaded earnestly with him, "This man deserves to have you do this, 5because he loves our nation and has built our synagogue." 6So Jesus went with them. He was not far from the house when the centurion sent friends to say to him: "Lord, don't trouble yourself, for I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. 7That is why I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you. But say the word, and my servant will be healed. 8For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, 'Go,' and he goes; and that one, 'Come,' and he comes. I say to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it." 9When Jesus heard this, he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd following him, he said, "I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel." 10Then the men who had been sent returned to the house and found the servant well.
11Soon afterward, Jesus went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd went along with him. 12As he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out—the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her. 13When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, "Don't cry." 14Then he went up and touched the coffin, and those carrying it stood still. He said, "Young man, I say to you, get up!" 15The dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother.

Update on watch.

here's the latest . we had a conference today with the doctor, basicly THEE conference asking us if we would like to continue fighting what our thoughts were, i truly believe in my heart that joshua has not giving up and neither have we, yes he is very very sick, and we understand that it can go either way in the next couple of days, the dr informed us the outcome of most babies with his condition is not good but i told her joshua has proven alot of dr's wrong before and i believe he will do it once more, currently he is stable on high vent settings,on NO oh yes i forgot to mention what is making his condition so seriouse is, he has three bugs going on, pnemonia,sudamones, and he has pulmonary hypertension, they have changed his antibiotics a couple of times and have been checking his gases which vary, they can be good or be bad so he's unstable with that. we have all the nurses rooting for him and i am very thankful for all your prayers,i will try to keep updating as often as possible. the last 24 hours have been a emotional roller coaster, i thank all of you for your post it allowed me to stay firm and strong with the dr and let them know, that joshua is a fighter and he WILL pull through. i just hope it's soon we have another conference in two days, they will do a echogram tomorrow morning to see if the NO helped with the pulmonery hypertension if not they said theres nothing else they can do. everyone keep your fingers crossed. thanks in behalf of me my husband, and my little superman joshua.

for the next 24 to 48 hours we are in critical watch

as all of you know joshua has had a rough 5 almost six months in the hospital, he's been through what i only would describe through hell and back, all this with me hoping and praying that he will be okay and the dr's assuring me to be patient, today the dr tells me and husband that joshua has nemonia (sorry not thinking about spelling) and his body has gone through so much theyre not sure if he'll make it, she said she is not optomistic and it's up to him, he is on maximun vent high frequency support and on all possible meds. i have never heard the dr sound the way she did on the phone, please god, save my little man give him the strength to make it through the next 24 hours