Tuesday, April 20, 2010

pull support or ask for a miracle....

this is what its lead to six month of prayig and hoping and last night at 3 they called us to the hospital because they didnt think he would make it through the night. he has but all were holding on to is faith and a miracle. the dr's have sat me down to discuss taking him off support. im lost. im angry, im upset, and i dont want to give up but i dont want my baby to suffer, they assure me he's not in pain, but his organs are starting to fail. i dont know what to do, the lord has blessed me with the most amazing baby and now he seems to want to take him away im so angry. we have a meeting at 3 to discuss our "options". i spoke to hime last night and asked him if he was tired and wanted to let me let him rest to let me know, but if he wanted for us to keep fighting to let me know as well, and i swear he held my finger so tight. in my heart i have faith my mother instincts tell me he will pull through but dr's and modern medicine tell me the rate of him pulling through is minimul. BUT I'VE HEARD THIS ! they told me he wasnt going to be born, they told me, he wasnt going to make it, and time and time he pulls through. am i dillusional, am i avoiding the signs, my mother insinct tells me no, but am i right? words cannot describe how i feel. this is the only place i can vent, and i feel it in my heart he will be okay i can imagain him running around the house drawing on the wall, all the things moms wish. am i crazy.

1 comment:

  1. You know your baby. Josh has shown AMAZING tenacity and fighting spirit. I read in your words that he wants to fight and wants you to continue to fight for him.

    He's proved them wrong before. Maybe it is his time, but how are we to know?

    I have no words of comfort. I've not been where you are. I can't even begin to imagine. I've been angry with God myself, especially recently. But I know He loves you. I know He loves me. I will pray for you and Josh and your family.