Sunday, December 27, 2009

=(

Jonathan was feeling sick today, i sure hope he doesnt have the flu im feeling fine but im still walking around every other couple of minutes with the anti bacterial....one day with out seeing joshy feels like forever! I want him home! it seems like he's never going to get here, i know he needs to get better but when i start thinking about the hourse i dont spend with him, the little smiles and laughs and when he cries that his mommy isnt there to try to make him feel better,makes me feel like the worst mother in the world.If i could move in with him to the hospital i would, i would do anything to be with him all the time....sigh. cant wait till tomorrow when i walk into that room and walk over to his isolette and see my little angel sleeping. =) That little guy has gave my life a whole new meaning.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

So today started off rocky, i held him and he started getting cranky, so i checked his diaper and sure enough it was wet, changed him he fell asleep for a while then woke up and got really upset couldnt figure out what was wrong but finally i sat him up and started patting his back, poor little man had gas, after that he was fine. He was awake for about an hour, and that's when daddy took this video hope you guys enjoy. the latest for today is he's up to 8ml an hour on his feeds and went down a cm on his CPAP yay plus they brought his IV down to 5, everything is going good just wish his lungs would get better so we can get him on his canula and get that mask off but i know he needs it so .....other then that he had a really good day today, we put on one of his outfits his primary nurse trish got him, he looked so cute. he's started to make more noises now and stare at you when you talk to him.His hair is starting to grow back of where they shaved it on the sides,he has a little mohawk going on. we talked to the dr,and he says the surgery wont happen untill mid january they want him to be a little bigger so he can recover sooner, which is good i guess. I was thinking to myself today, how normal it is for me and jonathan to be around all these machines and see sick babies, its sad but its become our "normal". changing joshy's diaper with all his IV's and lines is normal to us...hmmm i wonder what joshy will think when he gets older and see how small he was, he's my miracle boy. Dec 26 - 5 pounds .4oz


Friday, December 25, 2009

The Process Of Growing...My Chunky Monkey

The roller coaster that is the Nicu








Sooo here's why josh is still not home,
the nicu stay was going great i mean my little man was growing breathing on his own, and exceeding all the dr's all the nurses expectations! He was miracle from the start but doing way better then all the dr's expected! He had graduated from bieng on cpap (a small mask with pressure with oxygen) to nasal canula (little prongs with oxygen) to no oxygen at all, he was starting to breastfeed on no IV's basicly what they like to call a feeder and grower,the dr's were even talking about letting him go home under 5 pounds wow! everything was going great! So Nov 11th joshy started acting wierd not like himself he's usually cranky when he has a wet diaper but this guys wouldnt stop crying me and his nurse amber where trying everything from trying to burp him to changing him turning off the lights everything possible but nothing was working finally he settled down and although i really wanted to stay because something didnt seem right i went home, by the time jonathan got there at his usual time 12:30 joshua had been moved to his own room with his own nurse and was on cpap again with IV line and they had stopped feedings, at this point things were not looking good but not terrible, so jonathan comes home at around 1 and tells me he was looking a little bit sick but that they were keeping an eye on him so to try to get some sleep, i go to sleep to get a call from the resident dr that josh just got some xrays and that it looks like he has some gas in his tummy and that he's looing a little bit sicker, at 4 i get another call from the dr this time telling me that josh is not looking good at all and they are going to have to transport him to childrens hospital and they need my consent, i tell them yes get up and wake up jonathan were on robot mode just getting ready to rush to the hospital to get there in time to see josh get transported right when we get there theyre putting him in the ambulance and we follow right behind get there to the hospital and they tell us to wait in the waiting room seemed like forever the nurse that had helped transport him come out and ask his medical information and tells us josh is very sick he is on morphine because he is in extreme pain and that he's not looking good at all they cant figure out whats wrong and they will probably have to go in for surgery because he belly is getting really big, they wont let us see him for a long time and finally the let us go back there is my beautful bundle of joy, laying in open crib with about 8 dr's sourrounding him and him just laying there he doesnt even look like he's breathing, i wanted to pass out, anything to make this go away, the next couple of hours were waiting and waiting and waiting, we have been in the hospital all day with no answers, finally at around 10 we go home to get a call at around 12 with the surgeon on the phone saying they will have to go in because they cant figure out what is wrong him so once i again i give them consent and tell them whatever they have to do to save him . they call me a couple of hours later that josh is doing good, he had NEC necrotizing entrocolites which means....a little bit of his intestine had died and had to be cut,the surgeon how lucky we were that it was caught early because 20% or more of babies die from this condition on top of that he had a gangrine appendix! this is so rare that his dr that he has had since birth has only hear 2 cases including joshy and she has been practicing medicine for over 25 years! so from then it has been a slow process for josh, ups and downs, couple of steps fowards and a bunch of leaps back, but my chunky monkey is hanging in there, he now wights 5pounds 4 oz and is cuter then ever, he has an iliostomy which means his intestine is out of his belly with a bag over it were his poopy goes into yes it was very scary at first but now im so used to it i even help change the bag, it has become our normal, his lungs have suffered a bit from bieng so sick that he's on oxygen and his little right lung keep collapsing, but i know he'll be okay he's a stong boy my pride and joy. Soo the news for now is he's going into surgery to get reconnected on mid janurary sooner if surgeon will allow ut but he wants him to be more stable before going in there. So we have no discharge date maybe feb but were not sure. but he's doing good getting bigger and starting to smile and stare at objects now, all the nurses love him and all the dr's know him because he keeps them on thier toes, little joshy has been a drama king since the belly and continues to do so, all the nurses love him, im going to have to keep the women away from him when he gets big! hehe he's now full term, his due date was on dec 22. my little miracle that the dr's didnt think was going to be born is now proving all the dr's wrong.

Oct 7 2009 Happy Birthday






So for those of you who don't know what has been going on i will give you a an update starting from the beggining, we went to our dr's appt in alta bates, it was at 10:30am first i had my ant stress test which means the tie this thing around your belly to see how many times the baby moves and if his heart beat is okay, well everything went perfect joshy was moving around and his heartbeat was right on next was the ultrasound and doppler,so we went downstairs for the ultrasound, everything was going good or so it seems but i felt like something was up, the guy asked me how much josh was measuring last time i went and how much was he weighting i let him know and he took a couple of more minutes and let us know he was done just needed to run some stuff by the dr and to go upstairs for next weeks appt,so off we go and when we get upstairs there is the nurse looking at us saying "guess where were going ?" im like "i dont know where" she said "to labor and delievery" my face had no reaction and i looked at jonathan with both of kind of lost so we start followiing her and my mind is blank at this point, then i finally get it all together and ask her what is going on she responds im not quite sure but the asked me to bring you here the dr will come in a few minutes, the other nurses come in and bring me a gown and tell me to put my clothes in a bag,im like whoa whoa wait what do i have to take my clothes of for she says well i think your going to be admitted im like why? she said im not quite sure but the dr will be in in a few, so i proceed to put the gown on and jonathan and i are both pale and thinking something is very wrong. So they start asking me when was the last time i ate, and all these other questions, so in my head even though jonathan is still lost i have an idea what was going on joshua was coming out soon, so the dr comes in and looks me in the eyes and says so your starting to have reverse blood flow again and we have to get the baby out to give him a chance to survive we cant take any more chances.In that moment i was like okay yesenia get it together and conentrate that everything is going to be okay,so i tell the dr allright anything to get my baby out safe, the next hour is a blue everything seemed to move quickly it took them four try's to get my IV line in because my blood pressure was high because of stress so the line wasnt able to go through they kept telling me just breath and calm down, so before i knew it there i was walking to the operation room, i have never been in a hospital in my life but there i was getting the whole entire hospital treatment all in one day so the next half hour went by fast they gave me a epideral which was the wierdest thing not to be able to feel your legs, jonathan came in shortly after and i was the one going through surgery but there i was comforting him, hehe women are much more stronger then men, so in my head there i am praying and just re assuring myself josh is going to be okay he's going to be okay, so finally josh comes out and i hear nothing so im asking jonathan is he okay what are they doing can you see him, the dr's finally call jonathan over to see him, i hear everyone saying congratulations and jonathan runs over to me crying and says the words i will never forget "he's okay babe he's okay all fingers and toes, he's just small but he's okay" he kisses my forehead and says im going to go see him again, so they bring joshy to me very fast he was in a little tiny plastic bag with his face uncovered of course he was the most beautiful thing i have ever seen, love at first sight! So i wasnt able to see joshy till the next day, i really wanted to but the nurses told me to get rest, but when i walked over to the next day to the NICU and saw my little man for the first time, i was in amazement, here was this little person who i had done everything for to give a chance he was very small but okay, a human bieng that was half of me,i created him he was inside of me for 6 months moving around kicking,and now here he was, the most important person in my life.Joshua Alexander Escobar Castillo 1 pound8oz