Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Im a kangaroo

It's day 6 or 5 maybe of strict bed rest, so far today has been okay, you would think i would be enjoying having everyone tend to my needs but it makes me feel very useless and like a lazy bum,although jonathan says i have the most important job it sure doesnt feel like it. Josh has been active today since the morning, he's actually the one who woke me up today, i wish i had x-ray vision to see what it is he finds so amusing in there, cause he was moving around what seemed like non stop for a good hour and then some,jonathan got to feel him for a while to but even though he wont admit it i think it freaks him a little out when he feels josh kick and elbow me. So the morning was good did my baby kick journal the usual morning routine, and the afternoon has gone by pretty good as well, except for jonathan having a little meltdown, i know he's stressed out but it's so hard for him to admit it sometimes,he feels he needs to be the 'Man" and take care of his women and baby lol. I guess it goes both ways because sometimes i feel like im the one holding it all emotionally together for both of us, you know i really think any man would never be able to go through what women go through especially while bieng pregnant. Let's set aside the obviouse issues that come with bieng pregnant and set aside the scary stuff were going through, its alot of hard work. I wish someone would come up with a book about bieng pregnant but just write what really is going through there head and what theyre feeling even if it sounds messed up or not but its the truth. For example, The night i was in the hospital and im just bieng honest now, i told jonathan come on lets just walk out i just want to go home, why because at that moment i was not thinking about the baby i was thinking about how i could get myself comfortable no matter what, yeah it sounds crazy cause im sopposed to be worrying about josh and not me but at that moment all i cared about was me......uhh its hard, and now im starting to like what can only resemble something similar to a umpalumpa-and a a half hippo/duck,plus the heart burn from not bieng able to move around and having to lay only on my left or right side is killing me. my feet look like little muffins and my hands too, i cant sleep through the night because i have to go pee from all the water im drinking,my left eye twitches from all the stress............BUT josh is okay and that's what matter. although it might not sound like it, it does, and thats what pregnant women should write about that you have your awful days of feeling like what the heck was i thinking and then you have your days of thinking i cant wait till i get to hold my little guy, it's a up and down, and thats that the baby is not even here yet.....whoa so all i have to say to josh is....you better never get into no gangs or commit any crimes or do any horrible stuff like that cause it took me and your father and your family alot of hard work to get you here!!!! like bill cosby said to theo " i brought you into this world and i'll take you out" =) love you josh hehe

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