Anyone thats knows me knows i am the biggest disney fanatics ever, as a child i collected the disney movies, as an adult still loved everything Disney. I started collecting the Disney classic as they are starting to come out on Blueray and when joshy was born i was so excited that when he finally came home i would see these movies with him. Me and jonathan talked about the first time we would take him to disneyland, we knew this wouldnt be for a couple of years since he was a preemie and didnt want to have him around so many germs but most of our drives from home to the NICU would be spend talking about how wonderful the first time he would go to disneyland would be. I thought about buying his first pair of mickey ears with his name and taking pictures right in front of the magic kingdom. It was like a right of passage for me as a mom to take him to Disneyland. I never thought he would get to have his first pair of ears but they would be placed on his grave site. As the holidays start coming starting with halloween the Disney commercials are starting to come on t.v the ones with disneyland getting ready for halloween. I change the channel, just another reminder of a dream that will never get full filled. Halloween is next month and oct 7 approaching fast, i keep thinking about the birthday party i should be planning for joshy. It was going to be the most over the top birthday party for a one year old, me and jonathan and our family had talked about, joshy deserved it and although he wasn't going to remember his first birthday when he saw the pictures when he was older we would show him how extravagant his birthday was cause he was a little miracle.