Monday, September 12, 2011

Finding a medium

So, i'm in falling into this weird parenting phase, well, maybe not now but i'm trying to find a medium, let me explain.

It's hard to find a medium between what is considered spoiling natty and trying to let it be okay for her to cry even for a couple of minutes while i run to the bathroom or try to eat (really fast). I feel like i am so extremely blessed with having her, and know what it's like to have your child taken away from, that i want to not have her experience any type of discomfort. This puts me in a pickle. I will call jonathan at work and tell him how i haven't been able to go to the bathroom because she will cry when i put her down and i don't want her to be sad. I'm not always holding her, she loves playing in her play mat, but im talking about those times when i'm holding her and i have to run and do something and she starts fussing for me to pick her up. This leads me to my other problem, i am terrified of her getting sick, i know she will eventually get sick, all kids do, but i am terrified of this. She has gotten a tummy ache before from gas and i was about ready to take her to the E.R, i know her schedule will change as time goes on but if she stays awake more then usual, or hasn't gone poop in a day all the sudden i'm in panic mode. I know i need to relax, but it's very hard when i hear her crying from some type of discomfort , and it leads me to flash backs to when josh got really sick the day he had to get transported to children's hospital. I HATE flashbacks with a passion. I know i will eventually have to go to counseling, there are many things i have never really discussed. I went from having a hard pregnancy, to having josh in the NICU for six months, to having him pass. The NICU itself is traumatizing but everything all together, i can't even explain it. It's ALOT. sigh.

well on another note each friday i will be joining kristin over at "once a mother on her FRIDAY RAINBOW BABY RODEO to discuss something new, mommy fail, something our rainbow has done this week.

New from this week from natty,
she took her first stroller ride, not on stroller/carseat, but just the stroller. She looks like such a big girl, i can't believe she will be FOUR months on the 18th. wow!

and just because i really love this picture .

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