Monday, September 12, 2011

Me and Jonathan

well today i have decided to write about how me and jonathan came to be. our story

I went to high school with my really good friend arnaldo. We stayed really good friends and a year or less after high school he started dating my best friend who i have known since i was five. Her name is channella. Arnaldo introduced me to some of his other friends and i started dating one of them named will. During one of our nights out we met up with some of his cousins, and one of them was jonathan. We were at a house party and he was there, he was smoking and offered me some, i told him i did not smoke, and we started small conversation. We ended the night and i saw him other times because we were always at the same house party's and ran in the same circle of friends. Every time always talking,and just leaving it at that, i was dating someone after all, and at the time i was "in love =P oh how i laugh now at the fact that i thought what i had with will was love. well a year and a half went by and me and will stopped dating. Me and jonathan kept seeing each other at party's and i would hear from his cousins (he has ALOT of cuousins) that he liked me, i kinda knew already but wasn't ready to start dating and to be honest i just saw him as a friend. Well a couple of months went by and i hadn't seen him so i decided to message him on myspace (yes i made the first move hah) we started writing back and forth and he invited me to go to a giant's game, he says now that wasn't a date but i think it was lol. So after that we started talking on the phone and seeing each other more and went on our first official date to go see mr.and ms.smith. At this point jonathan had asked me to be his girfriend, i said no, the first time because i wasn't ready to be in a serious relationship and so we kept dating, might i add this whole time he was really shy and had no kissed me yet, so once again i made the first move and we had our first kiss, while i was dropping him off at home after one of our dates lol. Well after two attempts of asking me to be his girl friend i said yes. I am so happy he was persistent because he is really my soul mate. I am also really happy it took us two years to get together after we had known each other because we both had our fun and once we got into a relationship we were both committed. Now we both have talked about the first time we saw each other and what our first impressions were. He thought i was conceited the first time he saw me and i thought he was shy. well, we were both wrong, i am so far from being conceited and he is FAR from shy, he is the life of the party and is a social butterfly, which i love because i really am shy, so i think we balance each other out. He tells me now, that after meeting me the first time, he knew he would marry me. He knew i was with someone but that he was patient because he knew i wouldn't stay with him and we would end up together, that he really thought about getting into a relationship with me because he knew once we got together that would be it for him. The connection me and him have is really amazing , i truly believe in soul mates and i know jonathan is mine. He is my bestfriend and my partner in everything, i know no matter what he will always look after me. He has gone through a lot with me, and has stuck with me, through my very bad depression, i tried to commit suicide during our second year together because i was so badly depressed about life, he would stay awake at night to take care of me and make sure i slept and didn't try anything. He would bring me food and made sure i ate. I am not proud of this time in my life, but he has truly seen me at my complete worse. After five years together, and knowing each other for 7, he is the one of the greatest person i know. We have been tested as a couple in ways that no couple should be tested. I fall more in love with him with seeing the way he loves his kids so much. He is a great father, a great friend, a great partner, and a great man. We both have been tested in our relationship and can say we have really survived being tested. Many people say that having a baby in the NICU will break a relationship up, but the complete opposite happened to me and jonathan, we both talk about how even though it was the most stressful yet joyous time in our life, including my pregnancy we never fought, not once during that time. Our bond was the strongest. After joshy passed away is when i think, we as individuals and as a couple got tested, as parents, we couldn't comprehend (well even now we can't) how our child could have died. We fought the most during the couple of months after joshy's death and broke up for a couple of days. I really thought we were done at that point, not because i wasn't in love with him, but because i was angry at the world, i wanted to crawl in a hole and die too, and i thought that even though he wouldn't admit it he blamed me for what happened to josh, after all i still go through that now, blaming myself for my body not doing what it was supposed to do. we managed to work things out and work through our own grief and allow each other to understand how we were both grieving differently. Were the only ones that understand each other. We have both helped each other grow, at least i know he has helped me. He is such a great father to natty and was and continues to be such a great father to joshua. This is going to sound so corny but i can honestly say with all my heart, that after five years together i still get butterflies when he looks at me a certain way or when i get hugs. =) well that is my post about us.

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