Geez, it's been a while! So sorry for the oh, five people who read this :P I haven't been able to update. Sometimes it's hard when you have so many other ways to get your thoughts out, facebook, twitter, instagram, I forget I have my safe place, my safe haven to vent all I want here.
Life has been good. I can't complain. Natalia is going to be TWO in march ? WOW! She is a beautiful, wonderful, full of spunk little girl. I Have no idea where my life would be with out her. She absolutely loves dancing, she is always smiling and full of energy, she LOVES food this girl can sure eat and although not most importantly because even if she wasn't it wouldn't make a difference, she is healthy. Me & Jonathan are convinced and truly believe Joshy sent us the most perfect baby. Speaking of me & Jonathan we have some pretty exciting news to announce! No, we are not expecting , I have written about that subject before & the question IF we will is still up in the air, but what I have to share is we are engaged! Most people thought we were already married but we are not. We have been through a lot and although it's not legal we consider each other 'married' but he finally got the courage and proposed. I mean who was he kidding, he's stuck with me lol . I will post pictures of the proposal . No set date yet but we're throwing a few of them out and will hopefully come up with a full plan soon. He proposed at his family's Christmas party. What a way to end 2012!
Everyone keeps saying "you guys deserve to be happy" and I think so too but this has actually led me to another light bulb moment. After everything we have been through I have felt a sense of entitlement from the universe. Like it owes me happiness but does it really ? Every time something good has happened I feel I deserve this because we are good people, I believe in Karma and so everything I put out into the universe let it be acts of kindness,actions, thoughts, anything I'll get it back but does the universe owe me happiness because we went through the NICU & childloss ? I thought so up until this week. A situation rose where I thought I deserved to have happiness more then someone else, this was MY time because we have been through hell so I was entitled to have this happiness. Then something happened, I came to the realization that the universe doesn't owe me crap. Yes we have been through pain that NO ONE should ever go through but we have also have experienced LOVE like no one has or ever will. We believe josh sends us blessings in disguises, go ahead think we're crazy but we really believe he has our back. I'm not sure if my point is coming across but I guess it's just this. My life, our life is not going to be easy, I'm a good person and so I truly believe good things will come my way but I will have to work for them. Event's, things will not magically appear because the world "owes" me, they will come because I'm a good person & because I've worked for them and because maybe a little angel in heaven is looking out for me and thinks i deserve it but not because I'm entitled to it. Just a little self realization moment I had this week. I'm not saying I wont ever complain to the universe "hey, what's going on!? you've given me my fair share of crap, I want my happy" but I'm just more aware that other people deserve good things to happen to them and that doesn't make my happiness any less great. You guys probably have no idea what I'm talking about but if you kind of understand then yay!
I am very excited as to what 2013 has in store. 2012 was truly a year full of very happy memories. Natalia turned one, and we actually got to experience our child turning one! It was magical. Me and Jonathan made our relationship even stronger when he became sick at the beginning of January and had to have emergency surgery. Our relationship reached a new level of commitment and I think that (if it was even questionable before) really proved to us "hey, we're in this for life, me & you!" He recovered and we got to experience our favorite baseball team going and winning the world series baby! We actually got to go to the First world series game here at At&T park in San Francisco, Home of the World series GIANTS! We got to go see Linkin Park, Jonathan's and now my favorite band. We got to listen to one of joshy's song be sung by them LIVE! It was amazing. We got FINALLY got to walk in the "March of Dimes Walk" in honor of joshy, it was such a amazing experience which we're planning on doing again this year! And of course we got to see our precious baby daughter turn into a toddler and start walking, running, talking, climbing, and become just a beautiful toddler! Just when I thought 2012 was a awesome year Jonathan proposes and makes 2012 a memorable year for sure. I'll leave you with a video and some pictures of that. I plan on blogging once if not twice a week to just get my random thoughts out there and keep documented Natalia's growth.
I realize I didn't write where I feel I'm at with my grief this post and it's weird because before Jonathan proposed I was in a "Ok" place but after I'm just overwhelmed with the fact that Joshua AND my Dad will not be there when me and jonathan get married. We have plans of having a tailor make a suit for monkey josh to wear so he can be the ring bearer but He physically wont be there and neither will my dad to walk me down the aisle and give me away. Also something that i wanted to write about but i think I'll make that my next post is about the sandy hook shooting and how it affected me & Jonathan.
Here are some pictures and a video of the proposal ! :) enjoy!
Click the link to see the video