Monday, January 21, 2013

I miss it

I miss it.

I can't believe I would ever say it because it was A LOT of hard work but I really do.

I miss nursing natty. I miss those months when it was just me & her and no one could do I was doing for her. Providing her the best possible nutrition possible. I miss her falling asleep as nursed her. I miss feeling so close to her and that special bond we formed. Yes it was hard and there were days when the pain, yes the first weeks were PAINFUL that I thought just one bottle, just one won't hurt but no, I owed this to myself, I finally had MY chance to nurse my child and I would be damned if I missed it. I longed to be able to nurse josh, I wanted to so bad but prematurity took that away from me and I had beat prematurity with natty and was going to up the stakes one more, I was going to nurse her not just because I wanted to, but because I could! It was my way of saying excuse my French "fuck you prematurity" nursing natty to me was more then being able to provide for her but it was a personal goal. I didn't have any control over what happened with josh but I had control over this and I was going to do it, and I did and man looking back at how fast those 13 months past, I miss it. I am in no way saying breast is best because I more then anyone know that's not true, I pumped and pumped for josh for 6 months but at the end my breast milk was not best for him, he needed formula, special formula that I was not able to provide. All I'm saying is that with natty it was the best for US, and for me it was a personal goal, a special victory I was going to accomplish come what may come I was going to nurse her and man when those 13 months were over I felt like their should of been a special parade with confetti and banners saying "take that prematurity!" ......

Take that! I came, I nursed, I freaking accomplished and I succeeded !

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