Sunday, May 30, 2010

i added this post from a moms blog who has an angel as well.....one of the moms from my preemie group send to me and really hit home. Just like the mom who posted this did i did the same i bolded and colored the ones that really matter to me.

20 Things parents of angels wish you would remember

1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is just because you never say my baby doesn't mean he doesn't deserve your recognition.

2. I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn't think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning him. The truth is I need to cry and talk about my baby with you. Crying and emotional outbursts help me heal.

3.I wish that you could talk about my baby more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven't forgotten him and that you do care and understand.

4. I wish you wouldn't think that I don't want to talk about my baby. The truth is that I love my baby and need to talk about him.

5.I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby has died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is it tells me you care.

6.I wish you wouldn't think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories. Yes, there are bad memories too but please understand that it's not all like that.

7.I wish you wouldn't pretend that my baby never existed. The truth is we both know I had a baby growing inside of me.

8.I wish you wouldn't judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.

9.I wish you wouldn't think if I have a good day I'm "over it" or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no "normal" way for me to act.

10. I wish you wouldn't stay away from me. The truth is losing my baby doesn't mean I'm contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it's my fault.

11. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be "over and done with" in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is that it may get easier with time but I will never be "over this".

12.I wish you wouldn't think that my baby wasn't a real baby and it was blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is my baby was a human life. He had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and face. I have seen my baby's body and face. My baby was a real person.

13.My babies due date, Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my baby died and the day my baby was delivered are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.

14.I wish you would understand that losing my baby has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to "normal" you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs and values. Please try to get to know the real me --- maybe you'll still like me.

15. I wish you wouldn't tell me to have another baby. The truth is that I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace him. Babies aren't interchangeable.

16. I wish you wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it's not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you do.

17. I wish you wouldn't think that you'll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.

18.I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is uncomfortable for me.

19.I wish you wouldn't say that it's natures way of telling me something was wrong with my baby. The truth is my baby was perfect to me no matter what you think nature is saying.

20.I wish you would understand that what you are really saying when you say "next time things will be okay". The truth is how do you know? What will you say it it happens to me again.

2 comments:

  1. I feel these same exact feelings all the time. People who've never lost their baby don't know what it's like and think that not bringing it up will help us. I don't know you nor did I have the pleasure of meeting your baby but my heart aches with you. My baby Leila was born at 23 weeks 6 days on March 22, 2010 and lived for 18 days in the NICU then passed April 9, 2010. She was a real person and so was your baby boy Joshua. I will never forget him or his story. I pray that God gives you strength during this heartbreak and that some day you will look back on the memories with Joshua and smile at all the moments you spent with him. Grieving will be an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. You will have good days and bad but I hope that you will have more good than bad.

    Thinking of you and Joshua
    xoxo

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  2. This is a very important list.
    Even though I don't really know you I think about you and Josh often. He is beautiful. The video you made is a wonderful tribute to him.

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