(This was a draft that never got published)
Happy 4th birthday my drama king. There isn't a day, a second that goes by that you're not in my thoughts. I often see little boys or even your cousins playing and imagine if you would look like them or simply imagine you running around with them. If there's a heaven then I Imagine you're healthy, running smiling & playing with your grandpa. I miss you joshy. Happy birthday my chunky monkey. As you get older and I wonder what life would be like with you here, what you would look like, I know there's one thing I'm sure of, I'm blessed to have the honor of being your mom. I love you my not so little baby, anymore.