Im back

Sigh.

Where have i been ? where to even begin.

During the last two years Jonathan has had problems with his intestines. I have written about it before. It all started while josh was in the NICU and through the past two years he has had to go to the emergency room about four times. Each time the level of pain escalating but always being controlled with antibiotics.

Well a month ago the same symptoms arose and so he called his Dr and they prescribed the usual, pain medication along with a two week dose of antibiotics. A week in he was not getting better and actually got worse, a lot worse, on Saturday Jan 13 he called his Dr again and let him know he was feeling worse, the Dr told him to come down so he could take a look. He could barely walk and was crying from the pain, the Dr saw him and touched his stomach not even a minute into the exam he told him he would have to be admitted and would probably end up with surgery. I seriously thought the Dr was over exaggerating. Sure enough they admitted him and told him his diverticulitis had turned into diverticulosis. They started IV antibiotics but on the third day of no improvement the surgeon decided he needed surgery. He didn't know if he was going to need a ostomy bag to let his gut rest from surgery. He went into surgery not knowing if he was going to come out with a bag or even what the surgery was going to consist of, it was a exploratory lab to see what exactly the found. All this to me sounded familiar WAY to familiar. To make a long story short he ended up having some of his colon removed, no bag, but with a VERY big incision. He spent two weeks in the hospital and is now at home still recovering. He hasn't been able to hold natty in over a month and will be out of work for another month or so recovering. So far he has lost a total of 20lbs.

This whole situation has been draining. Physically and emotionally for me. It all brought me back right back to josh and everything that happened.

I spend the whole two weeks driving back and from the hospital every three hours to nurse natty and spend time with her and then heading back to the hospital to care for Jonathan.

What made this whole ordeal worse was that everything seemed to resemble what happened with josh and his NEC.

It took me back to a very dark place. To see Jonathan crying from the pain, scared and verbally saying all his emotions, how uncomfortable he was and everything else broke my heart for two reasons.

One, who wants to see their partner in pain,
But two this grown man was crying from pain and scared is this what josh would have told me if he could talk ? Jonathan could ask for some more pain med's , josh couldn't all we had to go by was his vital signs.

Within the last month i have learned just how strong my son really was. I always knew he was strong but man, this little boy fought. I can't put into words how extremely proud i am to have been chosen to be his mother. I know i have written this before but this phrase truly has a new meaning to me. He truly is my hero.

In other news around here. Our natty is turning one next month ! I seriously can not wrap my head around how this happened. In these last two weeks she has become this little ball of energy and wants to GO,GO,GO. She does not get tired and babbling her little head off. You will speak to her and she will respond. Of course her response consist of DADDA,MOMMA but i am pretty sure she is having a conversation and speaking her own little english/spanish language. As far as celebrating her birthday, we will be having a big party at her grandma house (jonathan's mom) i must admit as draining as it has been to put everything together and i must also admit i may have gone over board with some stuff for her party, it has been fun. I know she won't remember her party but she will see pictures and know how important she is to us.

lets see what else. Oh of course how could i forget, we will be walking on our very first March of dimes walk this year which i am very excited about because it will be a couple of days after joshy's angelversary. Our team name is

Drumroll..............

"spreading Joshy love"

Well that's about all the updating i can do for now without getting to in depth. I will leave you with some pictures. commence photo bomb NOW =)

Natty and her grandma and grandpa 

 

She thought this little play cup was her sippy

Playing and starting to make a mess, this is what she does best =P

If i have to run downstairs she will scream her little head off and wait for me in the rails

She gets more beautiful everyday

Boy are we in trouble when she gets older.