Monday, February 13, 2012

Guilt

I've been feeling pretty craptastic these last couple of weeks because we haven't been able to go visit josh. He's burried in south San Francisco and we live in Antioch which is a good hour and 20 minutes away. Jonathan's still recovering and before that the weather wasn't all that great to be able to take natty.

Some days I feel okay with not going so often to seem him because I seriously feel like he's with me and his site is just where his physical body is at but 'he' is with me. His name plate is in our backyard as well in his special garden so I feel like that's his site as well.

I don't know, I think with his angelversary coming up and everything that happened with Jonathan thid last month I've been thinking about josh and all that happened even more then usual. What really didnt help is this new Facebook timeline and being able to go back and read all the post I would make about how great josh was doing just a week before he passed.

"our little monkey is doing great! I really think he might be home very soon"

How did everything go so wrong.......

Sometimes I'll be playing with natty and imagine josh is somewhere in the house playing as well. I look at the house and see how natty's toys her things have taken over the house and think to myself there should be double these toys and stuff around . I wonder if I'll ever stop imagining ? I know the answer to that and to be honest I don't want to stop.

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