The rest is still unwritten
Yikes, it's been a while, huh ?
I don't even know where to begin, but I find myself struggling to concentrate on finals. Working out, usually my go to way to destress hasn't helped this week. My focus isn't right and I'm not sure why. It has been a journey to get to this point. And, when I mean journey, I REALLY mean journey.
Like all the way back to 2010 Journey......
I know I haven't posted here in ages, but I still want this space to serve as a journal to look back on and it has been that thus far. To get this going let me discuss last semester....
Last semester was....an experience. I started out determined and ready for what I knew was going to be a grueling class.
Anatomy.
I tried to prepare for the class by renting the book in the summer & began taking notes beforehand to go into the semester ready. I mean, I wrote to the professor during summer to ask her in what order would the chapters be taught. I was THAT student writing in the summer to the professor. I went into the fall semester with the confidence of IronMan. I was ready.
And so the semester began and let me tell you, whatever you read about how grueling of a class Anatomy is let me multiply that by 10. Yes, there's those people who find the material easy to memorize, because yes, most of the class is memorizing structures after structure. Function after function, but when you're not "those" type of people and you're like myself, well....
I knew I would have to dedicate a good amount of time to studying and memorizing, but the amount of material is overwhelming to say the least. To make a long story short, I found myself more than half way into the semester with the difficult choice of having to drop the class because there was no way I was going to receive an A. And, going into nursing you want that A, you want those grades to reflect who you are because the administration doesn't see a person, they see GPA's.
Having to drop anatomy last semester broke me. I cried because I had given this class my all and that wasn't enough. I felt like I wasn't enough.
I told Jonathan I was done. I had tried and I had failed.
I grieved.
I was done.
My family rallied and all came together to lift me up because I was a mess. When I tell you I was broken, I mean it. I had spent the last two years pursuing something and I felt like this was it. I had failed and at least I tried.
It took a couple of weeks for me to gather myself together and with the help of my family I realized I couldn't give up. How bad do I want this ?
Failing, and Jonathan hates when I say I failed anatomy last semester because I didn't really fail, but I still say failing anatomy was the biggest blessing. They say you don't learn from success, but rather from failure and I can attest to that. I had to dig deep within me and put those feelings of not being good enough aside. I had to put what happened last semester aside and approach anatomy in a different light.
I came into this semester with a whole different perspective.
Last semester I thought how awesome it was going to be to dissect cadavers. I mean, how many people do you know that can go around and say they've cut human flesh and organs, or dissected a human heart ? I didn't value the precious gift that these humans had given individuals as myself to dissect their deceased bodies so we, as students could learn.
I didn't value these people's gift of donating their body to science. I didn't see just a cadaver this semester, I saw a grandmother, a mother, a father, a son, a daughter who chose to give their body for me to learn from.
It's May 11th and I'm preparing for lab finals and lecture finals. I am two weeks shy of being one step closer to applying to Nursing school...... I didn't give up.
One thing has always remained constant in my life and that is that somehow everything falls into place and there always seems to be something bigger in the scope of things on why things happen the way they do. I think about how something affects me right now, but don't think about the larger scope.
There's always a larger scope.
I reached out to one of Joshua's primaries in December to see about volunteer opportunities within the hospital. Mind you, this was last semester. She directed me to the appropriate place, but in further research the volunteer department was without a director and they were not accepting any new volunteers and that was that.
Fast forward to February, this semester.
Joshua's primary reached out to me and asked if I was still looking to volunteer. She let me know that there was a new director and they were now accepting applications. She also asked if I would be open to volunteering in the NICU.
I couldn't believe what she was asking. Of course! She gave my information to the NICU's director and I got in contact with her.
She remembered me & Joshua.
Turns out the timing couldn't have been more perfect. Let me explain.
If you're familiar with the NICU, you know they don't let just anyone in. The NICU only accepts volunteers every 3-5 years if that. The baby holder of the NICU are volunteers who hold on to their position once they are in and so it is extremely difficult to become one.
Furthermore, they are very selective of whom they choose.
I went in for a group interview to volunteer in March.
In April, yes APRIL I went in for another group interview for potential NICU baby holders. I won't explain what it felt like being back in those halls, but it was comforting.
After many forms, shots, vaccines and waiting.....well.
I won't go into details about everything because I realize there has to be a form of anonymity. If you're reading this than you now know :)
Up till now, only my close family has known about this.
Jonathan graduates May 25th.
We both went back to school knowing he would be done way before me, but I can't believe we are now finally here. All the hard work and sacrifices we have made are finally making sense, so to speak. I think I haven't been able to focus on finals because there's an underlying sense of excitement, but also of Murphy's law.
Things are falling into place and I'm just scared something might happen.
I have my anatomy lab final on the 16th, then the following week is full of so much build.
My anatomy lecture final is on the 23rd the 24th I go in for my first mentor/mentee shift at the NICU and then the 25th is Jonathan's graduation.
I know there's still a LONG road ahead to become that NICU nurse I want to be, but i'm steps closer than I was. The step back of having failed anatomy last semester was just a set up for what this semester had in store.
"I dream it, I work hard
I grind 'til I own it"
Yes, I just quoted Beyonce.
This journey is still going and i'm excited for whats next.
I don't even know where to begin, but I find myself struggling to concentrate on finals. Working out, usually my go to way to destress hasn't helped this week. My focus isn't right and I'm not sure why. It has been a journey to get to this point. And, when I mean journey, I REALLY mean journey.
Like all the way back to 2010 Journey......
I know I haven't posted here in ages, but I still want this space to serve as a journal to look back on and it has been that thus far. To get this going let me discuss last semester....
Last semester was....an experience. I started out determined and ready for what I knew was going to be a grueling class.
Anatomy.
I tried to prepare for the class by renting the book in the summer & began taking notes beforehand to go into the semester ready. I mean, I wrote to the professor during summer to ask her in what order would the chapters be taught. I was THAT student writing in the summer to the professor. I went into the fall semester with the confidence of IronMan. I was ready.
And so the semester began and let me tell you, whatever you read about how grueling of a class Anatomy is let me multiply that by 10. Yes, there's those people who find the material easy to memorize, because yes, most of the class is memorizing structures after structure. Function after function, but when you're not "those" type of people and you're like myself, well....
I knew I would have to dedicate a good amount of time to studying and memorizing, but the amount of material is overwhelming to say the least. To make a long story short, I found myself more than half way into the semester with the difficult choice of having to drop the class because there was no way I was going to receive an A. And, going into nursing you want that A, you want those grades to reflect who you are because the administration doesn't see a person, they see GPA's.
Having to drop anatomy last semester broke me. I cried because I had given this class my all and that wasn't enough. I felt like I wasn't enough.
I told Jonathan I was done. I had tried and I had failed.
I grieved.
I was done.
My family rallied and all came together to lift me up because I was a mess. When I tell you I was broken, I mean it. I had spent the last two years pursuing something and I felt like this was it. I had failed and at least I tried.
It took a couple of weeks for me to gather myself together and with the help of my family I realized I couldn't give up. How bad do I want this ?
Failing, and Jonathan hates when I say I failed anatomy last semester because I didn't really fail, but I still say failing anatomy was the biggest blessing. They say you don't learn from success, but rather from failure and I can attest to that. I had to dig deep within me and put those feelings of not being good enough aside. I had to put what happened last semester aside and approach anatomy in a different light.
I came into this semester with a whole different perspective.
Last semester I thought how awesome it was going to be to dissect cadavers. I mean, how many people do you know that can go around and say they've cut human flesh and organs, or dissected a human heart ? I didn't value the precious gift that these humans had given individuals as myself to dissect their deceased bodies so we, as students could learn.
I didn't value these people's gift of donating their body to science. I didn't see just a cadaver this semester, I saw a grandmother, a mother, a father, a son, a daughter who chose to give their body for me to learn from.
It's May 11th and I'm preparing for lab finals and lecture finals. I am two weeks shy of being one step closer to applying to Nursing school...... I didn't give up.
One thing has always remained constant in my life and that is that somehow everything falls into place and there always seems to be something bigger in the scope of things on why things happen the way they do. I think about how something affects me right now, but don't think about the larger scope.
There's always a larger scope.
I reached out to one of Joshua's primaries in December to see about volunteer opportunities within the hospital. Mind you, this was last semester. She directed me to the appropriate place, but in further research the volunteer department was without a director and they were not accepting any new volunteers and that was that.
Fast forward to February, this semester.
Joshua's primary reached out to me and asked if I was still looking to volunteer. She let me know that there was a new director and they were now accepting applications. She also asked if I would be open to volunteering in the NICU.
I couldn't believe what she was asking. Of course! She gave my information to the NICU's director and I got in contact with her.
She remembered me & Joshua.
Turns out the timing couldn't have been more perfect. Let me explain.
If you're familiar with the NICU, you know they don't let just anyone in. The NICU only accepts volunteers every 3-5 years if that. The baby holder of the NICU are volunteers who hold on to their position once they are in and so it is extremely difficult to become one.
Furthermore, they are very selective of whom they choose.
I went in for a group interview to volunteer in March.
In April, yes APRIL I went in for another group interview for potential NICU baby holders. I won't explain what it felt like being back in those halls, but it was comforting.
After many forms, shots, vaccines and waiting.....well.
I won't go into details about everything because I realize there has to be a form of anonymity. If you're reading this than you now know :)
Up till now, only my close family has known about this.
Jonathan graduates May 25th.
We both went back to school knowing he would be done way before me, but I can't believe we are now finally here. All the hard work and sacrifices we have made are finally making sense, so to speak. I think I haven't been able to focus on finals because there's an underlying sense of excitement, but also of Murphy's law.
Things are falling into place and I'm just scared something might happen.
I have my anatomy lab final on the 16th, then the following week is full of so much build.
My anatomy lecture final is on the 23rd the 24th I go in for my first mentor/mentee shift at the NICU and then the 25th is Jonathan's graduation.
I know there's still a LONG road ahead to become that NICU nurse I want to be, but i'm steps closer than I was. The step back of having failed anatomy last semester was just a set up for what this semester had in store.
"I dream it, I work hard
I grind 'til I own it"
Yes, I just quoted Beyonce.
This journey is still going and i'm excited for whats next.
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