Gift bag delivery

We did it. Today we delivered all 32 gifts bags to the NICU. I woke up very excited to see the nurses and to "spread some monkey love" (i will write more about this "spreading monkey love" later) . When we got to the NICU Jonathan was telling Vicki ( One of joshy's primary nurse) how he drove to the NICU on auto mode, his body just automatically remembering how to get there When we got to the entrance i was nervous to break down in front of natty, to have this rush of emotions fill over me. We walked over to the security guard and he asked who we were there to visit, we informed him we were there to deliver some gift bags to the NICU. He smiled at us and gave us our visitor badge. Jonathan walked the all familiar hallway to get to the elevators pushing natty in her stroller
We walked into the elevators and Jonathan automatically pressed button number 3
we stepped out and there it was. The third floor which had been our house. The third floor with the hallways in which i ran trying to get to my son when he passed away. I held it together
Then it came, i had to pick up the phone to asked to be let into the NICU wing, the nurse answered and said who are you here to visit, my hand shaking & my voice breaking i answered were here to drop off some gifts bags. The doors opened as if i was being granted entrance into this secret world that no one is aware of unless you've been here. i walked on over and she greeted us and we let her know we were also there to see joshy's primary nurse vicki. Vicki walked out of room B, with the biggest smile and it's as no time had passed. She walked on over and gave me a big strong hug. I must of hugged her for a couple of minutes not wanting to let go. Somehow i felt like i was hugging josh. I kid you not, i felt his presence, i felt him hugging me back. It took every ounce of me to not start sobbing in her shoulder. She walked on over and met natty. First thing she said was "oh my you are beautiful, but you don't have your brothers eyebrows" lol, Vicki always remembers joshy's eyebrows, That was his way of communicating, with his eyebrow raising =)
The charge nurse came over and took pictures and talked to us for a while, they both told us how strong we were for coming back, and what a beautiful thing we were doing for the families and showing them some love. Doing good things in honor of joshy. we spend about 45 minutes, because they had to get back to their babies. But oh how great it was to see them. I have to say, it felt good to be back. weird right ? it felt like i was returning home. It felt like i was going back to see josh. Like i needed to be there......I know i have wrote this before but i know somehow my life is sopposed to be involved with the NICU, weather it be by being a NICU nurse, maybe becoming a volunteer and talking to the parents and giving them a shoulder to cry on, something, My life, what i am sopposed to do with it somehow involves the NICU. I guess this is what people feel when the fall in love with a job and know that's what there meant to do. Well Here are some pictures and a video of the delivery of gift bags. I would like to thank all my preemie mom's, My family, my friends for helping me create this dream i had of celebrating joshy's life, his birthday, by doing this for the NICU parents & babies. It was a great success. I LOVE YOU all, and i KNOW my little monkey is smiling down.