Bad news....you would think i'd be used to it.

So, joshua is doing good. He is up on feeds every 12 hours and currently at 8cc an hour. He's still on vent but regular not oscilator. his liver function test are coming back normal and although he's belly is still very destinded they assure me it's because of his liver and the feeds should help with his belly. So i shouldn't be complaining right ? uhhh well today is just one of those days where you realize as a preemie mom or as any mom with a sick baby, that your missing out on very important parts of his life. He's now six month old and has officially been in the hospital for the first half of his life. everytime i think im coming to grips with it and just letting it not bug me i dont think you ever let go. now this brings me to my bad news, i just found out my dad has cancer, my dream has always been to have him meet joshua and have a family picture and now like so many other things this will probably be taking away from me as well. My dad lives in el salvador so going to see him is nearly impossible with joshy so unstable, i feel horrible. i cant even begin to describe how im feeling. in one part i should be happy because my baby is doing better and in another my father is sick. I try to keep it together day after day, and most days i do fine, but today i just think im starting to fall apart.